Archive for Life
Metro Margarita
So many tracks on the subway map that is my mind. So many trains going in a different direction, each traveling its own interesting path. So many stops offering a different place to stop every day. But I never seem to get off. I just stay on the train(s). I don’t make any decisions. I keep thinking about different stops and even when the train gets back to them, I still stand clear of the doors.
I am done minding the gap. I am done being an observer. I am getting off the train. I am going up those stairs and I am seeing what the world has to offer. Instead of trying to force the ideas on to a particular train, I am rebuilding one bullet train towards the final destination. Where is that final destination? No one knows just yet. But there is only one train you can take to get there. And that is Metro Margarita.
This train will go through the mountains. It will go over the bridges. It will go under the water. It will go wherever I need it to go, whenever I need it to go. It will not tell me I do not have the right fare. It will not lose power in the middle of a tunnel. It may seem like it will possibly fly off the rails at random moments, but it will remain.
If I want to get off and run a 10K, I can. If I want to publish a memoir about a summer vacation, I will. If I want to spend some time in a test kitchen experimenting with my cooking skills, I just might. And I will document it here. All in one place. All on one track. Trying to maintain multiple work streams at work is a task, but not difficult. Trying to keep up the same dedication in my personal time is just down right exhausting. Streamlining is the new multi-tasking. Putting it all down in one place is what I intend to do. So while I have always tried to keep a semblance of order about my writing, it is time to let my freak flag fly and just go for it.
Entitled
Give it to me now!
We have created such a grandiose world to live in that when something does not go our way we get frustrated, sometimes even mad. Why do we have such a sense of entitlement about us? We have allowed ourselves to create an environment of instant gratification. The American lifestyle of ‘bigger is better’ has permeated everything we do. With the world at our fingertips – thanks to the internet – we have been conditioned to get what we want when we want it.
However, it does come with a price. Unfortunately, we are willing to pay it. Add an extra ten dollars to that gift you ordered on redenvelope.com and you can have a gift delivered as early as Thursday; possibly even earlier depending on what you buy. You see a purse in the window of your favorite store. Buy it now and you pay full price, $250.00. You do not need a new purse. The one you in fact are carrying is fine. And you have several in your closet at home. Wait a couple of weeks and it may go on sale, possibly saving you up to 50%. But you want the one in the window; and you want it now.
If I do you a favor today, it gets added to the list of things you owe me when I need something from you. And in a few cases, this behavior of tit-for-tat works. In the workplace, it does not translate. When a superior asks you to do something, you do it. It’s your job. Expecting a reward should not be the norm, expecting special treatment should not be encouraged. A few exceptions do exist, like working on a very difficult project, but you shouldn’t expect something. Showing gratitude for recognition offered should be the accepted – and encouraged – behavior.
Who is to blame for this continuing behavior? Yes, we can blame parents. However, all that does is shift the blame. When you are a fully functioning, self sufficient thirty year old, is it really your parent’s fault that you act like a spoiled brat at work? Yes, they may have initiated the behavior that therefore created the habit of expectation. If it’s been brought to your attention, it has now become your fault for not making the effort to break the habit.Yes, habits may take 21 days to break, but it’s not impossible.
If you are that fully functioning, self sufficient thirty year old, what has gone so wrong in your life that you deserve everything your heart wants and you deserve it when you want it? Delayed gratification is not a bad thing. In fact, it can sometimes be more rewarding than the opposite. Yes, it can be more fun to login to your facebook (c) account and catch up with your friends. Instead of washing that load of laundry today, you’ll have two loads to wash tomorrow. Washing two loads of laundry might not sound so bad. I know I would rather fold one load, than two.
Change your way of thinking now and you will love yourself more tomorrow.
Dionysus is not a Friend.
Life is so many things. It can be highway stretching in front of you to see the world. It can be a box of chocolates: nuts, creme filled, or those icky strawberry flavored ones. It can be a piece of cake: fluffy and covered with sweet icing. But life can throw lemons at you too. It can have icy patches on the beautiful road you were driving on.
Sometimes it feels like we are living experiments of the chaos theory. One minor event can trigger so much more. Events compound upon itself to become more than anyone would expect. Sometimes we can curb them before they explode. Sometimes we have the intentions to stop the ticking bomb. Sometimes it gets way beyond our control and before we know it – BOOM!
Carrying a burden inside of you, not having someone to share with, not being able to release what ails you can take a serious toll on your psyche. When you take the weight off your soul, you walk with a new lilt in your step. When you stop hiding from the world and actually ask for the help you need, you’ll find they were just waiting for you to ask. We try to be Wonder Woman. We try to survive life on our own. We never want to admit we need help. We never want to look weak. We have a fear of disappointing those that love us. We have a fear of disappointing our parents in the way they raised us.
Give in. Kick Dionysus out of your life. Don’t be friends with him. Wearing a smile outside when you’re crying every night at home helps no one. In reality it hurts. It hurts everyone around you. But the main point of infliction is you. Take the mask off and be yourself again.
Correcting Exotropia
Passion is what drives us: passion for learning, passion for work, passion for life. When someone is told to set their passion aside, they stifle their creativity and hinder everything else around them. People need an outlet for everyday life: writing a book, drawing on a sketch pad, or dancing in a studio. Unless you happen to be one of the lucky few whose passion is your career and your career is your passion, many of us typically work a forty-hour week at a job allowing us to pay the bills. If only bills could pay themselves.
Crouzon’s syndrome is a genetic disorder affecting 1 in 10,000 infants. Exotropia is a possible developmental effect: the eyes deviate outward, causing possible double vision and making it difficult to focus. The severity of Crouzon’s syndrome spans a wide range of symptoms: premature closure of skeletal sutures, recessed mid-face, possible cleft palate. The advancements in the field of medicine are astounding. We can detect with an amniocentesis whether a child will be born with Crouzon’s; an MRI can be used to detect the severity. However, since it is a developmental disorder most symptoms may not appear in infancy.
When you stifle your passion, you stifle a part of you. The effects may not be noticeable immediately, but like any syndrome they will develop over time. You lose a reason to live, a reason to breathe. You will continue to get up and go to work because that is what you are supposed to do. You will be there, but you won’t be present; you will be a shell of yourself. You start to lose focus on what is important. No, not important to society, but important to you. You lose focus on everything around you: work, family, yourself. Is it possible for one to develop exotropia late in life?
Correcting exotropia can be easier than one would think. The eye muscles is what needs to gain strength. Through exercise (patching) and corrective lenses, mild cases of exotropia can be improved. Surgery can assist in realigning the muscles to work properly, but it usually is the last option considered. As a child develops things are constantly changing. If surgery is chosen too soon, it is possible for things to regress.
Getting back to what you love is not as hard as it may seem. Refocusing your life on what truly drives you forward will make the rest of life fall into place. It is hard to describe how exactly that happens, but it does. Taking time for yourself when you need it – daily, weekly, whenever – allows the rest of your life to move forward. It is difficult to drive around town with no air in your tires. It’s just as difficult to really be yourself if you close the door on your passions.
Tengo.
About this time last year I tried my talents at being a chef. I created a recipe for a dish I had yet to taste: Quiero. Finding some of the ingredients was like an excellent scavenger hunt. I finally found everything I needed and each time I make it the dish tastes that much better.
He holds my hand when we walk down the street. He sends flowers to the office on a Saturday. He kisses my forehead. He wraps his arms around me when we are sitting on the couch. He hugs me when I am blue and holds me when I cry. He says ‘I love you’ when we sleep in on a Sunday morning.
We have shared several moments over a cup of coffee or a glass of wine. He loves to travel; we are already planning a trip to Portugal. He loves Java and all her crazy neuroses. He is not against the idea of having kids; though we agree we both do not want them. He understands I will open up as I am ready. He has great friends and a life of his own. My place in his circle of friends grows every day.
I can be myself: crazy, stubborn, wicked, or sexy. I can share a pizza with him; he lets me pick the toppings, or lack thereof. He gives a great massage. I can watch cheezy movies with him. I can be me when I am with him. I trust him with my thoughts. I can share my dreams with him.
Only issue I have is he has stolen my heart.
Metro Margarita 