Archive for quirks
What is a relationship?
Relationships are remarkable. We have them throughout life, whether we want them or not. They are a part of everything we do: partnerships, family, friends, business, acquaintances – sometimes to the detriment of our own individuality. You can only relate to someone else if you know how your soul’s story began.
Kids grow up. People change jobs. Relationships evolve. One never knows how showing a lost little girl the way will change their life. You may think you are just pointing someone in the right direction. Two teenagers going to school together, their paths diverge several times over the years, never long enough to not remember the way back, but far enough to experience life and add that to the next chapter of your friendship. You would never fathom they would still be a part of your life fifteen years later.
We are taught not to judge a book by the cover; titles are deceiving. We have to listen to the little voice inside of us when it says something isn’t right. We get used for our connections, our know-how, and our possessions. Then it becomes too much: we are the one called every time the smallest problem arises. Everyone has their own drama, you cannot save the world. It works both ways. You have one friend that you keep around, not because you’re thisclose, but because she has the hook up at the bar (even if you don’t really want to go drinking with her).
Life has many winding paths. Relationships are tough. People do not come with manuals listing idiosyncrasies and neuroses. Even with the ‘built-in’ relationships we have, sometimes the storm is too strong. If one person gives up, or worse doesn’t try, do we both fail? When times get tough, our first response is to throw in the towel. If at first you don’t succeed; try, try again doesn’t always work for relationships. You can only give so much. When no acknowledgment is received from the other party we start to wonder what we we are fighting for.
Connections are more than just sharing the same opinion on the latest election. When your soul recognizes its counterpoint in another, an earnest bond can form. They make our hearts skip a beat. They heal our wounds. They take our breath away. They make us smile. Listen to ideas: be the support or the voice of reason. Express yours: teaching English in Spain for a year, writing that novel. Remember to check in. Don’t leave them behind while you chase down your dreams.
Have dinner with that special someone over a nice bottle of Gotim Bru. Take your friend to Disney World for her birthday, even though you are both 24. Adding a fresh layer of paint to the house makes it ‘sparkle’ anew. Five years between vacations, however, will not help much in the ‘lasting’ department. Limitations exist: money, time, jobs, kids, etc. Working within the boundaries and creating new memories is what will keep you coming back to each other down the road.
It’s about faith and devotion. It’s about knowing what someone is feelingWe are our own best partner. We know what our soul needs. We can feed our soul: travel, experience, books, life. But one thing you cannot give yourself is connection to another soul – spiritual, romantic, philosophical. Experiences are the one thing we have to let ourselves share with someone else. Every person has a reason for being in your life. It may not be clear what, or why, they are there at first. It may take years for you to discover why you are friends. Don’t toss old friends out with the trash; but don’t get upset if that is what they remain: old friends.
If you could love someone like me, there’s no end to the possibilities. Hopes and dreams push away the pain and regret. It’s not only the cup of coffee at breakfast. Or the cotton candy at the Four Seasons. It’s the phone call, though tipsy, at midnight when they say I love you. It’s the four hour nightly phone calls when they think their life is over. For each wall we let them knock down, the friendship reaches a different level of intimacy. When deciding who to let through the next door, we have to trust. We have to let go of hesitation. We have to let go of fear. Don’t throw all caution into the wind, but at least open a window.
They lift you up. They let you down. Relationships help. They don’t give up. When your world starts to crumble around you, your true friends will be there to help dig you out of the rubble. When your life hits a speed bump, they will stop to make sure you are doing alright. They will celebrate the highs and console the lows. They will always be honest – sometimes too honest. Everything we do has limitations. In a society of “give me mine”, the undercurrent of want never washes out to sea. Relationships require unconditional love: a smile, a hug, it can be physical, it’s definitely emotional. But, love should never hurt.
Do we ever see ourselves clearly?
It’s routine. You wake up. You take a shower. You look at yourself in the mirror once, twice, maybe more while you’re getting dressed for work or wherever you may be heading. At work, you check your clothes in the mirror, making sure you are presentable. Shirt tucked in. Skirt on straight. Checking your teeth after lunch for the proverbial piece of spinach. The outside’s covered.
And the not so routine: New Year’s, Birthdays, Christmas. You take stock of your life. Where you are so far on Life Lane. Where you want to go: Career Circle, Grad School Street, Parents Parkway. What you’ve done. What you need to do. Finish that degree. Lose those last ten pounds. Finish that “Goals” list that you started last New Year’s. Making little adjustments to the list throughout the year.
Each time we look at ourselves, what are we really looking at? The split ends in our hair. The invisible tattoo across our forehead that says “Lose 10 Pounds”. We’re immediately drawn to the flaws. The imperfections. We see the girl without the degree. She’s got a job, but is it a career? She’s not out every night with this “Ab Fab” social life either.
Why is the picture we see different from what everyone else sees? We don’t see the big brown eyes. The nice smile. The nice curves because of those “extra” ten pounds. The one who aced the testing. The anchor. The one who will show up at 430 AM so you can go shopping the day after Thanksgiving without the babies.
Maybe they’re being polite. Sisters aren’t always polite. Maybe they don’t notice. Moms always notice that extra piece of cake you had after dinner. Maybe, just maybe, they know the ‘imperfections’ are what make you who you are. Friends accept the whole package. The broken cookies and all.
Metro Margarita 